Moving the deckchairs

Those with a taste for improving foreign relations will be interested to learn that the jewel of the Dorset coast (and venue for my party's current annual conference) is twinned with Lucerne in Switzerland, Netanya in Israel and - soon - Santa Monica in the USA. Such decisions were made by the burghers of Bournemouth, but in my opinion this is internationalism gone too far. The best twins are with the closest neighbours. And France takes a lot of beating. Taunton is twinned with Lisieux, Frome with Chateau Gontier, Wells with Paray Le Monial. Truly excellent choices with first class rental opportunities for those canny souls who avail themselves of the current bargain property investments. Permit me to offer my wealth of advice on these important matters soon. You too could realise the value of twinning. As that great champion of Europe Jacques Delors once said: "Twinning schemes are the cement in the foundations of Europe. They are, first and foremost, a sign of the urge that ordinary people and their locally elected representatives feel to play their part in the building of Europe. They are, too, a way of grounding exchanges between partner towns in the rich soil of different traditions and cultures and thereby nurturing that diversity which is the glory of our continent."